How He Comes Back: A Story Explaining Kenny
by SnowStories
Summary: Kenny's mysterious reviving soul has always been a wonder to South Park fans. How can he come back to life? I think this story can explain pretty much everything. Note: This is not a true story. Truth is, i have no idea what happens to Kenny after he dies
1. Chapter 1 A Tour of Hell

How He Comes Back: A Story Explaining Kenny

By SnowStories

Author's note: I do not own this show nor any of the characters. I am simply interested in letting my ideas be heard.

Chapter 1 A tour of Hell

The fires of Hell surrounded him. He took a deep sigh and walked toward the town near by. Once again, he had died in the real world. That meant that he had made four days without taking his final breath. "Shit! Apep won the bet!" Kenny's hands searched his pockets, praying that some spare cash had made the fall from Heaven, but no, he had nothing. Of course he didn't; he and his family were to poor to own a nickel, much less twenty bucks.

He took a right turn at the second torture building and walked straight. Up ahead were several homes, most beaten up and worthless, but there were some that had been repaired in those last four days. He looked up. The sky was the same as always; rock and dirt covering that sweat blue that he had rarely seen in his life. All around him was lava and fire. He felt nearly at home.

"Ha! I knew you'd be back before seven days were up! Pay up, bud!" said a squeaky voice behind him. Kenny turned around and looked toward the floor. A little demon, smaller than his own nine year old body, was standing just a few inches away from him. He had red burnt skin and spiky horns with beady black eyes and yellow teeth. Kenny sighed. "Nice to see you too, Apep," he said as he took a slight step forward. "I don't have any cash on me. Guess you'll have to wait till next time." Apep seemed frustrated. "You know, that's eighty bucks you owe me, kid. You better start paying or else I'll stop you from leaving this place until you can work off your debt." Kenny's blue eyes rolled. Apep was bluffing of course. He would never close the gates of Hell. Then nobody would be able to get in, and that will set Satan off angry. He knew all too well that Apep was a coward, and making his king—the big red guy with evil powers that mostly focused on torturing—angry would be far beyond him.

Kenny turned and walked to the bar just a few yards away. Inside were several tortured souls and demons. He sat at the bar, ready to order a beer, but Apep stopped him. "Don't give 'em anything, Tone, he's got nothin' to pay you with," said the small little demon. Kenny grew annoyed and his teeth clenched behind his parka's hood. Tone or Tony as some would call him, didn't listen to the pest, but instead gave Kenny his usual order. "You've been around here a lot lately, Ken. What are you and your friends up to up there?" Kenny sighed. "We aren't 'up to' anything. I'm just loaded with bad luck, that's all." Tony nodded and picked up a glass mug to clean. "What killed you this time?" he asked, preoccupied by the cup. Kenny took a sip of the drink. It was such a common taste to him. He answered back. "A pidgin," he said quietly. The bartender stared at him in surprise, and then started to laugh along with Apep. Apep spoke between gasps. "How the hell did a pidgin kill you? That's one of the most sorriest deaths I ever heard," he said. Kenny grew annoyed. It was true. The way he had died this time was pathetic. A stupid bird flew over his head, dropped some pellets—which were covered in some stupid acid—into his open mouth and poof, here he was, back in the underworld. He didn't even remember dying this time. Secretly, he wondered if he was loosing his touch on being killed. He just knew that one of these days, he wouldn't even be able to escape Hell's gates without the guards catching him. And then what would he be? Just a lonely old has been that _used_ to be able to revive after nearly every death.

Kenny stood up and walked out of the bar, the mug still in his hands. He looked around. The town in Hell was much like the one he was born in on Earth. It had shops, a school—which was only used to teach demons how to kill—a bank, and even a library. The only difference was, in this town, nothing could kill him. In this town, he can't die, and sometimes that knowledge of being somewhere where death couldn't reach him was comforting, but others like this time for example, it was just disturbing. He couldn't live without dying. Not that he liked dying. He actually hated it. It's just that…it was so odd and out of place for him to go on without being shot in the head, suffocated by a tetherball rope, killed by pidgin poop, and so on. It was just so…unnatural to him.

"Hey, Kenny!" yelled a little girl's voice. He looked around and smiled, though no one could see it. It was Bella, running up to him as she always would. Bella was a dead human being, and had died at the age of nine. She was sweat and cute in his eyes. She had long blond hair pulled back slightly by a black headband; blue eyes just like his, and always wear a blue sweater, white scarf and black pants. Kenny had known Bella well enough to call her a sister. She would almost always be the first to greet him when ever he returned.

"Hey Bella," he said as she walked up. Bella gave him a teasing sneer. "Died again?" she asked him. He nodded. "Of course I did." She laughed. "What happened this time?" she asked as they walked further into the town. They passed a fiery fountain that was set in the middle of the street. The fountain had carvings of human beings in horrible pain as the lava draped over their marble faces. In some legends, those carved figures had once been real, but had been changed to marble, or maybe it was stone, because they had angered Satan. But those were only legends. Satan could never do that. Or at least, Kenny didn't believe that he could.

Kenny ignored Bella's question as they walked up to his home. He had rented a home several years ago—an apartment actually—and had never given it up. He walked up to the mailbox and looked inside. There were several bills and catalogs. He wondered how much longer he could stay in that apartment before he was thrown into the lava pits to make some quick cash by keeping the furnaces warm. He had had to do that once. It sucked.

Bella skipped on to another question. She must have been able to sense Kenny's shame in his most recent death. "So how long are you staying this time?" she asked. Kenny walked up to his apartment and unlocked the door. "Not long. It's nearly Christmas up there, and I don't want to be in Hell when it comes." He walked inside his small home. It was a simple one bedroom, one bath, and a half kitchen half living room living area. Nothing much. He dropped his stack of mail on the kitchen counter; piling it on top other bunches of un-opened bills. Then he walked into his bedroom. It was probably five times better than his one back at his parent's house. It had a bed that, though had too thick of covers, was sturdy and didn't own too many spiders. There weren't any rats. Rats don't go to Hell. And there was little trash on the floor. Still, it was unbearable to see the empty walls. All of the pictures from his favorite playboy magazines would crinkle and burn as soon as he nailed them to the wall. He sighed and walked over to the bed. He got on his knees and looked underneath it. Dust, flames, spiders, and, ah ha, his homework. Garrison didn't believe him when he said he left it in Hell, but he knew he had.

"Ok, I'm leaving. I'll see you in a few days, Bells," Kenny said as he locked his apartment door and walked away from the complex. Bella smiled. "Ok Ken, I'll see you later. And just in case you don't die before then, Merry Christmas." Kenny blew air out of his mouth. "I'm sure I'll be back before then," he whispered as he walked out of the town, waving goodbye to a few demons he knew. He walked a few miles away and then took a left. Straight ahead was his only passage way out. The gates of Hell, covered in fire and screaming souls. He walked straight through the barrier, praying that his time had yet to run out. No, it hadn't. He still had another chance to live, but how many did that make left?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Betrayed by a friend

He had to be alert. Who knows what could kill him next? A slip of a knife, a hole in the floor, or even another pigeon flying above his head while his mouth was open. It didn't matter; he had to stay alert. He refused to be in Hell during Christmas. It just wouldn't do.

His body slowly faded in outside his house; in the front yard, just in time, according to his watch, to catch the bus. Quickly, with is home work carefully placed inside his torn backpack freshly taken from his room on Earth, he walked to the bus stop in the three foot snow. His parka kept him warm though, just as it always would. It kept him warm from the cold and safe from the world. It was such a perfect jacket.

His friends; if he could call them friends were at the stop, happily waiting for the bus. "Shut up fatass!"

"Fuing Jew!" Yes, they were happily waiting for the bus. Kenny walked up with a casual look behind his hood. The three boys turned to him. He recognized all of them with ease. Stanly Marsh; or Stan as the residents of South Park would often call him; was the one that wore a brown jacket and a blue hat above his head with a red puffball. He was, in Kenny's eyes, the pussy of the group. Though he could keep a secret well enough, he was also the one that couldn't shoot an animal, and had even gone vegetarian for a while.

Then there was the one in the orange jacket with the green cap that had flaps that went above his ears. That was Kyle, the Jew. He was ok; pretty cool to Kenny if he could just keep his mouth shut and his conscious under control. But he was ok.

And then, closest standing to him was Eric Cartman; or as he along with the rest of the kids in school called him, Cartman. He was evil, mean, greedy, selfish, raciest, sexist, and all along just plain cruel. Cartman had often considered Kenny as his 'best friend' though Kenny did not agree with that at all. He didn't have any best friends. He had friends; friends that he could hang out with every now and then, but no best friend. That was pretty much fact.

Stan was casual. "Hey Kenny. When did you come back?" Kenny shrugged. "Just a few minuets ago," he said and he wondered if they could understand him. They always could, but he couldn't see how. He couldn't even understand his own words.

Cartman, as Cartman often does when something cruel happens to someone else, burst into laughs. "Ha! That was probably the most pathetic death you've ever had! Poisoned by pidgin crap! It's so fuing funny!!" He started to burst to tears, Cartman did. Kyle and Stan joined in, though not as quite as eager as Cartman had. "He's right, you know, that was pretty pathetic," Kyle said as Cartman's body fell to the floor and tears spread from his eyes. Kenny tried to control himself, really he did, but he couldn't. Quickly, his right foot went flying, hitting Cartman in an area that he himself prayed to never be kicked in.

Cartman quickly curled to a ball and words of curse flew through his mouth. Kyle and Stan pointed and laughed along with Kenny. He was pleased with his action, though knew that Cartman wouldn't soon forget it.

School was horrible. It was long and had annoying classes. Mr. Garrison, or maybe it was Mrs., to hell if he could keep up with the world these days, didn't approve of his homework owning burnt areas on the corners. "Where the Hell did you dig this out from, your poor ass fire place? Your family is too poor to buy wood, it had to use your homework instead?" He hated those puns. It wasn't his fault his parents were drunks. He had no control over that.

Recess, as always, was dangerous. Dodge balls, tetherballs, jump ropes, pidgins; they were all wrapped up and put in one place. Surely his next death could be predicted easily. And yet, some how, what happened could never be seen coming.

He played a game of football with the guys during recess. That was a common task. It didn't seem too harmless. Hadn't he already died in a football game before? His theory was that he can never perform the same death twice. If he did a task that he already died doing, he was pretty much safe.

He didn't see it coming however. As he ran with the ball, a snake came slithering up to him. He saw it. Had he died from a snake bite before? He couldn't remember. To be safe, he dodged the slithering pest easily, but, as he took a few sidesteps to the right, he felt something rumbling underneath his feet. He froze. An earthquake? That was unlikely. He couldn't recall ever having an earthquake in Colorado.

His eyes directed towards his feet. The boys around him stopped as well, but they weren't shaking as much as he was. Suddenly, the shaking grew fast and stronger and then, without any more suspense or any surprise on Kenny's part, the floor underneath him blew. In his last seconds, he saw an intense water pipe sticking out of the ground, blowing fast moving droplets into the air. That wasn't what killed him, however. The water, he knew, shot him into the air. He flew up and, of course, his body, dazed and confuse, shot into an airplane propeller that was moving slowly in the sky. In utter pain, he felt his body being chopped up in pieces and his blood falling down onto the town like it were red rain.

And then, he felt lightness. The air around him was so clear and motionless as his ghost; his spirit if you prefer, slowly drifted into the starry space above. He sighed. He hadn't even lasted a day this time. Slowly, he reached Heaven's gates, where many beings, the most attractive, nude beings he had ever seen, greeted him. But, as always, he felt heaviness as he fell suddenly. Quickly, he saw Heaven's gates rushing away from him. His body turned in the fall and he was now facing fiery pits below with millions of ghostly demons circling the entrance. He sighed and waited to land hard on the ground as he always would. It had all been seen before.

With a thud, his body; as ghostly as it was, fell hard on hot, red dirt and magma. Quickly, he jumped to his feet and blew out the small smolders caught on his jacket, then he looked around and slowly walked back to the town that he was so used to. Why not get comfortable and stay a while? He might as well skip the rest of the school day. It would be a lot easier on him.

Swiftly, his nine year old body found its way to the town's bar without finding Apep by accident. Calmly, yet still tested, he walked inside the bar and sat down in his usual stool. Tone walked up with a small chuckle as he handed Kenny a bear. "What was it this time, Ken? A peacock stepped on your big toe?" Kenny's teeth clenched. "A water pipe blew up from underneath me and shot me into an airplane propeller. Not the worst death but…" He shrugged. His most favored death, if you can favor a death, was the one committed by an ambulance. The ambulance had run over him just before taking his father away to the hospital. The reason he liked that one so much was because he had, wisely, took over the new born baby's body that his mother gave birth to several months later. He then killed the baby—which in his mind was a great accomplishment because he didn't want another sibling, he rarely got along with his brother Kevin as it was—and then, after going to Hell and then returning to earth, he just took his own body back. What's weird about his constant resurrections is that no matter how torn up his body could be, so long as it had some type of flesh or bone on Earth, he could always seem to come back, his new body whole again. That was why he couldn't come back after he died of illness not too long ago. His mother and father had had his body cremated. He couldn't come back as easily as before. Why his parents decided to do this was beyond his knowledge. But it was along time ago and he didn't bother to look back anymore. The weird thing, however, was that not too long ago, he had been a victim of spontaneous combustion; his body had burst into flames because he had held in his farts. It wasn't much of a problem getting back to Earth after that, however, and that didn't make all too much sense. His theory was that a fingernail or a piece of a leg bone had survived the explosion. That was the only thing that made sense.

Tone didn't seem to disagree with Kenny's outlook on his most recent death as he went to go and check up on a costumer ready to leave. Kenny sipped his bear and listened to the atmosphere surrounding him. Several demons were chatting about Christmas as it slowly approached. Apparently, Satan, as odd as it sounds, was throwing a well enough Christmas party. To him, it sounded rather ironic, but who was he to judge?

The door opened. From the corner of his eye, he could see a small, little red demon walking in with a smug expression on his face. "Shit," Kenny whispered quietly as he casually slipped off his stool and went towards the back. He didn't have the patience to deal with Apep at the moment.

Tone, without a question or a single insult, opened the back door casually and allowed Kenny to slip out. Kenny quickly pulled a nickel from his pocket—the one that he had been hoping to use on a vending machine back in South Park—and flipped it into Tony's hand. "Thanks, Tone, I owe you one," he whispered, though he didn't mean it. That nickel was the tip; the payment.

He walked slowly through the side of the town, far from the stores and public. He had no idea where to go next. He didn't want to go back to his apartment; not with all of those bills and lack of TV or any other entertainment, and he sure didn't feel like going back to the bar; not with Apep there. And then Bella crossed his mind and happily, he decided to head towards her usual home.

Bella wasn't at her cruddy house down the flaming dirt path. That wasn't exactly unusual. Bella was…fidgety. She couldn't stay in one place for too long. That was her fault, as Kenny thought so. She was impatient and squirmy. That annoyed him sometimes, but he couldn't say that her strengths didn't even that annoyance out to sisterly love.

Cautiously, he walked around the town, his eyes keeping an eye out for both Bella and Apep. But she wasn't in town either; not at the school, not at the library, not even at the hot, stuffy, crummy arcade that had been going down hill for months. Any place that she could usually be found in turned up empty. As he turned another street corner, he groaned. About a minuet away, searching the streets, was Apep and his gang of ass kicking, ass kissing demons. They were looking for him, no doubt, and he really didn't want to deal with their threats. So, he slipped through an ally and walked around in the empty, blank fields to the left side of Hell's most popular town. He would just have to give up on searching for Bella and find some other way to pass the time. He refused to return to Earth before school officially ended. He didn't want more work.

As he walked on for perhaps only thirty minuets, he came upon a lake of lava, with a lavefall (waterfall made of lava, duh) flowing steadily into the lake. He walked up to it and sat down on a molted rock. He took a long sigh and looked around, casually looking at his wrist watch every few seconds.

"Kenny?" said a scratchy voice. He turned around in all directions until a little girl with blond hair slowly started to approach him. It was Bella, with eyes bloodshot and wet. Kenny walked up to her, starring at her in her sweet face. "Bella, what's wrong?" he asked. She seemed confuse at first, and then smiled. "Nothing, I just…got into some trouble with some of Apep's friends." Kenny had never seen Bella cry before. She was always so peaceful and happy. He hated the looks of those steaming tears. "What happened?" he asked. It had to have been a bet. That was the only thing that would actually make sense of this. Apep and his gang loved to bet things, especially cash and they loved to bet on things that were nearly guaranteed to win.

Bella sighed. "I made a bet that you would last at least another two days on Earth. I figured it was a safe bet. I didn't think that you would die before the first day was up." Kenny felt guilty and stared at Bella. "You bet that I would live? What the Hell? Never bet that I'll live. That's just fuing stupid," he said to her. She laughed but he could tell that her tears wouldn't stop soon. What could be making her cry so much? A little bit of cash lost wasn't enough to bring her to tears. "What did you bet?" he asked. Bella took a breath. "I bet…I bet your secret."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Escape Hell While You Can

He felt betrayed; he felt crossed. He couldn't believe it. Bella was one of the few that knew his path out; his technique, and yet, she had decided to tell it anyhow. She had decided to tell beings that were such kiss ass bullies, they would stop him from escaping just to please Satan. How could she? How could she bet that? How could she take such a risk; think of such a risk? How could she just turn in his secret; his method; his life like it were a few poker chips?

Kenny stared at her, dumbfounded. "What?" he asked through his parka hood. Bella sobbed slightly. "I…I bet them that….that if you died in less than two days, I would tell them your secret of escaping this place." Her words sped out so fast, Kenny had trouble keeping up with them. She sobbed. "Kenny, I'm so sorry, it's just, they were taunting me and they were provoking me and Apep was being a total asshole and his guys were picking fights with me and I just couldn't turn the bet down. I figured I would win. I figured you would stay alive—"

"Stop," he managed to say. She froze and her eyes watched him as he slowly walked towards the lava lake nearby. He took a few breaths, and then allowed his anger to burn through. Quickly, he turned to her with utter anger spreading through is body. But not a word escaped his lips as he stared at her with fire. She took a step back. Was she afraid? Of him?

Finally he could speak. "What did you tell them, bitch?" he asked with clenched teeth. Bella stuttered. He had never called her such a thing. He had never yelled at her; he had never cussed at her and he had never been angry at her before. "I…uh…I told them…I told them pretty much everything…Apep…he…"

"Did you lie?"

"N—no…"

"Fuing dumb ass! You didn't lie?!" She started to fight back at around this time. "No I didn't lie, Ken! I never lie, you know that!"

"Fuing dumb ass!" he yelled again. Then his breath caught and he slowly calmed himself as best as he could. Then he started to panic. "I'm going to miss Christmas on Earth. I'm never going back. I'm going to have to stay here forever! I'm going to be stuck in Hell forever! This is weak! This if fuing weak!!" Was that fury in Bella's voice as she spoke? Yes, it was.

Bella's body shook as her voice rose. "Join the club, jackass!" she yelled. Kenny turned to her. "What?" he yelled back. Bella took a breath. "I said 'join the club, jackass'." She had never called him that. She had never cussed at him before. In all the years that they had known each other, never had they called each other cusswords before.

Kenny walked up to her slowly as Bella's unsteady voice continued. "You think that you're so special, that you can just come in and out of Hell without any consequence as the rest of us down here rot away in the lava pits? You think that it's so horrible to stay here AFTER COMING DOWN HERE A MILLION TIMES?! Well you know what, Ken? You are freakin lucky! Most people down here would give anything to go back to Earth for one last time! Most people down here would give anything just to see the damn sky again! And here you are bitching about how you hate this place when you are so lucky that you've been able to escape it a million times before!! You're fuing weak! Not the situation, YOU!!" She turned and stormed away and as she walked away, Kenny could see a bruise; a big, nasty, purple, green like bruise on her arm. Had she always had that? Kenny was sure she hadn't.

Kenny turned back to the lava pit and stared at the bubbling lava and fiery swirls. He sighed and stared at what he thought was his reflection. He needed to think of something quick. All this time he had told Apep that he was escaping through the gates of Hell; dodging the guards and alarms every time, when in fact, he was slipping through a small whole in the mountains that surrounded the Gates. Satan had thought that a demonic barrier had covered the mountains completely, but he, apparently, had missed a spot. But how long until Apep and his crew warned Satan and repaired the weak point? How long until he was ceiled inside Hell forever, just like Bella and the rest of the souls that couldn't coordinate their way through the rock and escape to the other side?

Kenny knew why he couldn't take anyone with him. He knew why he couldn't make a giant 'jail break'. For one thing, the cave was small and few beings in Hell could even slip through—a facture that made him terrified to grow—another was that many beings didn't want to leave Hell. If you can believe it, some people actually liked Hell, or preferred it's residents over the ones on Earth. There were some that could and would leave but their bodies had been cremated. And then the ones that can fit, can resurrect and actually want to leave Hell just don't know about the place. That weren't close enough to Kenny for him to rescue them. The only one that can count in such a category, to his knowledge, is Bella, and her body had been cremated just after she died. (Actually, she died in a fire, but technically, she had been cremated.)

He crawled through the cave, mumbling under his breath, and went straight through the barrier. Good, Apep hadn't closed it up yet. He still had time to live.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Fight Like the Movies

He faded into the world again. Slowly, he saw his body fade into view. Once he was whole again, he looked around, only to find himself at his home once again. But his home was different now. On the roofs, lining the gutter was a string of old, over used Christmas lights. They were several colors, all sorts, and had dozens of lights that were either burned out or broken. Kenny's family would put those lights up every year for Christmas. He used to hate those lights; those stupid, worthless, life-threatening lights. They killed him once before and he never seemed to forget that. But as he stared at his roof, a sigh escaped his lips. What he wouldn't give to see those lights again in another year.

He walked inside with such a gloomy expression on his hidden face. His mother walked up to him. Her scratchy voice tried to disguise itself into holiday cheer. "Kenny, where in blues blazon have you been? You know you're dead beat dad needs your help with chopping down a tree every year." Kenny looked up at her. She knew that he would die often. She knew that he would die often. She knew that but she never cared.

Kenny walked outside and went to a forest nearby, searching for the area that his father would usually go tree shopping in every year. And there we was, his drunken father, leaning against a tree with an axe nearby as he took another sip of bear. Kenny walked up. His dad quickly stood up and handed Kenny the axe with a simple, drunk smile. "I think I found the perfect tree, Ken. It's on Billy Jansen's property." Kenny eye's rolled. Billy Jansen was an old farmer in South Park with acres of land that wasn't a farm, but a forest. Of course, he was also a jackass that hated it when people were on his land.

The tree that Stuart McCormick picked out wasn't all too big. He was a lazy man, Kenny knew, and hated the thought of picking out a tree that was too big for his son to carry home on his own, because if he had, then he would have to help carry it and that was out of the question.

Kenny swung that deadly axe. That axe had spots of stained blood on the blade. He remembered dying one Christmas by that axe. It was a freak accident—as it always is—with the blade flying off the stick and landing directly on his skull.

He chopped at the bark. Slowly, the stump of a tree wobbled and then fell with the smallest thud. Kenny dropped the axe, not bothering to hand it to his father, and walked to the tree's trunk and slowly started to pull it away from its death bed. Suddenly, the door on the country house owned by Billy Jansen opened.

"Who's out there? Who's on my property?" yelled a heavenly accented man with a lack of teeth and hygiene. Kenny groaned. "Crap," he whispered as he tugged at the tree, desperately trying to catch up to his father that was already a few minuets ahead. He heard the click of a gun being loaded. He had already died by a bullet before; there was no way Jansen could kill him tonight.

The splitting sound of a bullet flying through the air stung his ears. He heard bark chip and snap. The old farmer was obviously a horrible shot. Then, suddenly, he heard something crack. He turned and stared at the trunk of a huge pine tree. It shook and leaned towards him, then away. Kenny panicked. He would usually just groan and wait for it to fall but this time, he was terrified to die, because who knows if he would ever come back?

The tree fell above him. Pine needles pricked his skin and stabbed his eyes. But he lived, even after Jansen ran out of bullets for his shotgun. "Kenny?" his father called. He smiled and crawled out from underneath the tree. He was wounded, he believed, but alive still. Of course, he was too quick to judge. After standing up and waving at his father to tell him that he was alright, he heard a horrible buzzing sound all around him. He turned and sighed. A bee hive was disturbed in the fall, of course, and the bees blamed him, obviously.

The insects surrounded him, stinging him and getting stuck inside his coat. With pain, he ran in circles, barely able to hear his surroundings beyond the pests. "Holy crap! Kenny? You ok? You dead?" asked his father. He was just about to yell 'no you drunken basterd! Now help me chase off these bees before I do get killed!' but the sound of a panicked old farmer shooting his shotgun into the air stopped him. He felt the hollow tipped bullet go straight through his stomach, but he didn't die yet. He could see several bees (and feel them too) enter the wound, stinging and nestling inside his skin. Their vicious attack on his inner organs was what killed him. The last thing he saw was angry, buzzing pests flying into his eyes.

With a hard thud, he landed onto red, hot dirt. He stood up and brushed it off, cursing under his breath. Again he didn't last more than a day. AGAIN he died from the most ridiculous action!

With a sigh, Kenny looked around. He had landed in the normal area; just half a mile from town. But he was scared. What would happen to him now? Had Apep told Satan his secret? Had Satan repaired the barrier? Will he be punished—by Satan—for escaping so many times? Or was Apep deciding to hold the knowledge against Kenny? Was Apep using the technique as blackmail? He couldn't handle that.

Slowly, unable to think of what to do, Kenny walked into the town's bar and sat down at the stool. If anybody knew what had happened, it would be Tone.

Tone walked up to Kenny immediately after seeing him. He had wide eyes. "Kenny, I just talked to Bella, there's something I got to tell you."

"About how Apep knows my secret?" Tone didn't know how Kenny escaped, but knew well enough that it wasn't how he described it to Apep. Tone nodded. "Yea, and—"

"McCormick!" Kenny turned at the sound of his last name. He saw Apep, the short demon, walking up to him with such an evil smile hovering on his lips. Kenny's hands twitched. He was ready to pull the strings on his hood—making the hood shrink above his face—and run. But he wouldn't dare show Apep any cowardice.

The demon walked up to him with the largest sneer and smuggest expression on his fat face. "Guess what, McCormick?" He was actually intending for Kenny to play along. Kenny stared Apep in the eyes. Apep looked back, making Kenny feel slightly threatened. "What?" he asked shakily. How could he show Apep how scared he was? How could he allow his fear of staying dead forever to show?

Apep's smile grew. "A little birdie told me you're big secret, and guess what else?"

"What?"

Apep's cheeks had to be hurting by now. "I decided that, instead of torturing you by keeping it as blackmail, I'll just tell Satan and let him deal with it. Of course, it's the punishment that I'm looking forward to seeing the most." That was typical for Apep; loving the idea of seeing someone else get punished. It didn't necessarily mean that Apep hated Kenny with all his soul, just that Apep was a total jackass. Probably as evil as Cartman, but far more of a kiss ass.

Tone suddenly walked up and stood between the two. He stared at Apep with his arms crossed over his chest. "Don't you think picking on one kid already was enough for the day, Apep?" he asked. Kenny didn't catch on. His eyes looked up at Tony's big, round body. Apep scowled. "This has nothing to do with you Tone. This is between me and McCormick." Tony didn't back down. "Is that right?" he asked. He knew something that he wasn't telling; Kenny was sure of it.

Apep seemed to shrink but didn't at all take a step back. "Stay out of this, Tone!" he yelled back. Tone took a step forward. "Why did you do it, Apep? Why did you hurt her?" Kenny caught it now. Instantly, he looked back at the demon. "What?" he asked with anger. Apep looked at Kenny. Surely he could see the fire in Kenny's eyes.

Apep stepped back as though casually trying to avoid the question. He stuttered when he spoke but still didn't loose any of this threatening attitude. "I'm going to Satan right now and telling him everything," he said, acting as though he were a child about to tattle. Kenny pushed infront of Tone and stood just a few inches infront of Apep. "Did you hurt her, Apep? Did you hurt Bella?" Apep laughed. "Of course I did. She wouldn't spill. A few punches took care of tha—" He was cut off by a fierce punch in the gut. Kenny ran out of the bar, following Apep's flying body. His eyes were fire and his fists were so tight, it hurt his palms. He was pissed.

The fight that Apep and Kenny starred in was amazing. Kenny was, though just barely taller than the demon, five times tougher as well. When ever he would kick, the demon would fly a good foot away, and when ever he would punch, the demon's body would bruise nearly instantly. But he wasn't the only one fighting of course. Apep was doing well too. He would punch, hurting Kenny well, and he would kick, forcing Kenny to loose breath.

The battle led the two beings beyond town and into the fields nearby. They fought all the way to a large canyon filled with magma.

Apep punched Kenny in the chest, forcing him to fly back into the ground. When Kenny opened his eyes, he could see that he was on the edge of the canyon, just a foot away from the tip. He stood up and looked Apep in the eyes. He wanted answers. "I saw a bruise on Bella's arm. Did you do that?" he asked. Apep smiled. "Of course. Bella wasn't keeping the deal. She was holding back; she wasn't opening her mouth enough. A few punches took care of that though; easily." Kenny saw blood drip from Apep's lip. It was green and slimy like. Gross.

"If she had one, what would he have had to given her?" he asked, stalling obviously as his feet slowly moved away from the edge. He never took his eyes off of Apep as they circled each other. Apep sneered. "I would have had to anger Satan horribly by flirting with his boyfriend and forcing him to cheat." Kenny nearly laughed. He would have even bet his secret just for a chance for that to happen. Now he honestly could forgive Bella.

They had gone in two full circles now, Apep and Kenny had. And neither one of them had made the first move. They were both cautious; after all, they were near a cliff with the bottom owning boiling magma. In the movies, it was classical for one of them to be pushed in by the other. They both had to be careful.

And then a rumble took place. The earth around him shook. Kenny lost his footing. He fell onto the ground, thankfully missing the tip of a nearby ledge. Apep landed on the floor as well; unfortunately, he missed the ledge too.

Kenny's eyes searched the horizon, curious and pleading for an answer. And then, in the distance, a large, red, muscular figure could be seen storming up to the two. He had red skin, a large body, small head, with horns and a black pair of shorts with a skull buckled belt. Kenny felt terrified here. It was Satan running towards them in utter anger. Surely Apep had already told him the big news.

Satan stopped nearby with flames burning in his eyes. "APEP!!" he yelled with a voice so loud the ceiling shook and many stalactites fell from the sky above. Apep stuttered as he stood. "Yes—yes my—my evil king?" Kenny watched quietly, waiting for his chance to speak. Satan grew even angrier. "I was just told that YOU were planning on flirting with my new boyfriend that I met on the internet!! I heard that you were planning on ruining our date tonight!!" Apep seemed dumbfounded. "What? Of—of course not sir! I would never—"

"Are you raising your voice at me?!" Apep stuttered. "No—no sir. I would never raise my voice at you. And I would never—"

"You know how important this date is to me! You know how badly I want someone! How dare you threaten to ruin it for me?!" Satan's temper grew strong. "HOW DARE YOU!?!?!" And then suddenly, a blast of orange lightening flew from Satan's fingertips and stabbed Apep in the chest. Kenny saw a puff of smoke and once it cleared, he saw what looked like cement. Where Apep once stood was now a marble statue, carved as a demon screaming in pain and fear. Satan smiled and grunted. "Oh, that'll look great in my living room," he said as he picked the statue up with no difficulty. Satan took a glance down at Kenny. "Oh, hi Kenny," he said casually, and then he turned and left with no other word.

Kenny stood there for several minuets and stared at Satan's disappearing body, both in awe and in a daze. Suddenly, a little girl walked up with a satisfied smile. Kenny's eyes traveled to Bella's. "What did you do?" he asked. Bella laughed. "I got to him before Apep could and told him that Apep was planning on wrecking his date tonight. Don't worry, he doesn't know a thing. And it looks like Apep will be gone for a while." Kenny smiled. "Thanks Bells, and…I'm sorry for everything I said before. Are you ok?" She shrugged. "Yea, fine. Hey, are you staying down here for Christmas? I hear that Satan is throwing a really great party." Kenny though for a second. "How about I die on Christmas eave?" He had to be reasonable.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 Just To End the Story

Kenny walked inside and looked around. Satan's palace; usually dark and medieval looking, was beautifully decorated with Christmas decorations; there was mistletoe (hogged by Satan and his new boyfriend), punch and cookies, a Christmas tree, wreaths, and of course, plenty of presents.

Kenny walked up to the punch bowl first and had himself a fair share of food. He wasn't used to a good Christmas dinner. As he ate (stuffing his cheeks is more like it), Bella walked up to him with such a large smile, he wondered if it would scar her face forever. "Kenny! You have to come see this!" She grabbed his hand and pulled him to an area that was the source of a rather large crowd. In the center of the crowd was something that made Kenny laugh so hard, he nearly peed his pants.

It was a fountain spilling lava rather than water. It was made from marble and was carved as a demon yelling in terror in pain. Lava spilled from his mouth and his fingers and landed in a bowl underneath. Everyone was clapping, laughing or doing both as they stared at the fountain. Kenny, personally, couldn't stop laughing long enough to make a single clap of the hands.

The party was a blast. People talked with utter joy, presents were passed about so that everyone got at least one gift (Kenny got a wallet as a gag) and then everyone joined around the Apep fountain and sang Christmas songs until they were sick.

Just before he left to go back home (on Earth), Kenny took one last look at the Apep statue. He laughed but not as intensely as he had before. It was the best Christmas Kenny had ever had.


End file.
